Secrets
by Keeperofthemoon0
Summary: "Even if this had all turned out differently… I think I still would have found you and fallen in love with you." Drabbles for the Look After You universe. Sirius/Ginny
1. To Be A Black

-*.*.*-

Title: Secrets

Summary: "Even if this had all turned out differently… I think I still would have found you and fallen in love with you." Drabbles for the Look After You universe. Sirius/Ginny

Disclaimer: I only own the plot.

Author's Note: This follow the **Complex Touch **and **Look After You** universe. I've decided to share some drabbles on random moments in their lives before, during or after those two stories. Enjoy all the nonsense!

-*.*.*-

"While I respect your decision, Sirius, I'll need to understand your reasoning better if you'd like to live a peaceful life with me."

Sirius looked warily up from the paper he had been reading. His eyes narrowed when Ginny raised an eyebrow at him.

"You sound like Hermione," Sirius told her dryly, turning his attention back to the paper and taking a bite of his bacon.

Ginny couldn't argue with him on that. After their fight the night before (and by fight she was referring to the exchange of a question and answer) Ginny had written to Hermione. And those words were exactly what Hermione had told her to say.

Twisting her wedding ring on her finger, a nervous habit she had picked up ever since Sirius had put the ring there, Ginny eyed her husband. He looked aloof, as if he hardly cared that she had brought the issue back up. She knew better however. While Sirius ate his bacon and read his paper Ginny knew his mind was attempting to think up a way to successfully dodge her.

"Sirius," she began again, "I just want to know the real reason."

"The real reason?" he asked, seemingly distracted. "Gin, I didn't even realize you were thinking about having a baby. I didn't realize _I'd_ have to think about having a baby, not right now."

She pushed off the counter and took the seat across from him at the table.

"I'm not saying we need to have a baby right now. But it's something I'd like to discuss… this is about us, about our future, about the possibility of us expanding our family."

"The reason I don't want to have a kid," Sirius said, folding the paper and giving her his full attention. "is because I don't think we need to conform to society's expectations of us. Or your family's expectations. Why do we need to have a kid after we've gotten married? Why can't we just enjoy being together, the two of us? Why do I have to share you?"

Ginny snorted.

"That's sweet. But we're not conforming to anyone's expectations. You have never conformed to anything."

"I am, after all, Sirius Black," he said, interrupting her.

He stood from his seat and pressed a kiss to her forehead before he put his dirty breakfast dish in the sink.

"We're not done with this conversation!" Ginny cried out as Sirius walked out of the kitchen.

"I didn't think we were," she heard him dryly reply.

She stood and chased after him. Sirius walked through the hallway and dropped the folded newspaper on a table before he headed upstairs towards the bedroom. Ginny sighed through her nose.

"Don't I have a right to know the truth?"

Sirius glanced at her over his shoulder as he approached the bedroom. With an extended arm, he held the door open for her and she walked in ahead of him. Their bedroom looked as though a bomb had exploded in it, sending sheets and clothes everywhere. The life of a newlywed. Sex, sleep, eat, be in a happy bliss… unless Ginny decided to interrupt it with ideas of the future.

She sighed at her thoughts as Sirius shut the bedroom door behind them. Automatically she took a seat on the large bed, relaxing as she leaned against the headboard. Her teeth gnawed on her bottom lip as Sirius threw her a playful look.

"And if I don't tell you?" Sirius teased. "Are you going to leave me?"

Ginny rolled her eyes. They both knew that Sirius not wanting to have children wouldn't end their relationship. After everything they had been through they would be able to work through this. But there was something nagging at her ever since she had asked him the night before if he ever wanted kids. His answer had been swift, no thought to it, no emotion. And it was so unlike Sirius to lack emotion, especially with such an important issue, that her suspicion and curiosity had awoken.

When he turned his attention to look out the window, Ginny studied him again. His eyebrows were furrowed, his lips drawn.

"What the bloody hell is going on, Sirius?" she snapped, annoyed.

When he turned to her his frown was replaced with a full blown smile, as if he wasn't stressed at all.

"What do you mean, love?"

"I just want to know why you don't want to have kids-"

"Do you want to practice, hmm? Then we can talk about this later?" his words were almost a purr.

Her eyes narrowed as Sirius left his spot by the window to join her on the bed, his long body stretching over hers. She inhaled sharply as his nose nuzzled her neck. He, of course, knew that was her spot.

But he would not distract her that easily.

"You'd be a great father," Ginny said, using a hand to firmly push him away. "Is that what it is? You don't think you'd be a good father? You're great with all the kids, Sirius, I know you could do it."

Sirius stopped moving for a beat, his warm breath still on her neck. Then he sat back, his black hair blocking his eyes from her view.

"Sirius?"

"Fuck, Gin," he growled, getting off the bed. "I just don't want kids. I don't want any, it's just not for me!"

Ginny started at the volume of his voice, crawling out of bed to stand in front of him.

"Why? I just want to know the truth, you're lying to me, just tell me the truth-"

"I want the Black line to _end_! That's it! I don't want any child to carry the Black blood in their veins, I don't want any child to suffer the cruelty!" Sirius shouted.

He grabbed her by the shoulders, gentle despite his loud tone.

"I was the only one in my family who turned out well and I barely scrapped by with that. Don't you see? And the only reason I did that was because I did the exact opposite of what a member of the Black family was suppose to do. And I had been lucky, I had been so lucky. If I hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor… If I hadn't met James and Remus and Peter and you…"

His eyes flickered to hers and he seemed so scared of the possibility of having never met her or the Marauders, of the possibility of having followed in his family's footsteps, as if it could still happen that her heart hurt. Sirius let go of his grip on her and stepped away, shaking his head.

"What if we have a child and they turn out like my father? Or my mother? What if they end up in Slytherin? Unless you can guarantee me that our child will be exactly like you I don't want one. I don't want to watch my child grow up and be afraid of what it will become. The Black family is a family full of _monsters_," he spat. "I don't want to curse a child to the life of being a Black."

Sirius let out a sharp laugh.

"And how would I even raise a kid? My own dad was never there, I was left with Regulus and my wretched mother and house-elfs! I wouldn't even know what a dad was suppose to do…"

Ginny sat down on the bed, stunned. She had known something was wrong, she had known and she had pushed him and now he told her and she had no answer. He turned away from her, running his hands through his hair as they remained in silence.

"But… I'm a Black now," she whispered, caught on his words.

The wedding ring felt heavy on her finger.

"You're a Weasley," Sirius said, his voice raw. "You're a Black by marriage, not by blood. And even that I shouldn't have done to you."

Before she knew what she was doing, Ginny picked up a pillow and threw it at Sirius. It hit him squarely in the back of the head and he growled, whipping around. His eyes looked bright and his teeth were bared in a snarl.

"What was that for?"

"For being stupid!" Ginny screamed, standing up and hitting him in the chest. "How _dare_ you! How dare you even say that or think that! How could you even-"

She hit him again but he caught her hands in his own before she could do any real damage. Ginny let him draw her close even though she felt like fighting him, him and his stupid ideas. How could he think that? How could that be his reasoning? Couldn't he see how great he was?

The fight seemed to die in her and she slumped against his chest, closing her eyes as she steadied her breathing.

"I love you, Sirius," she said, looking up and catching his eyes. "I love you because you aren't your parents or your brother or anybody else. The Black name isn't cursed. I've never been happier since I took it as my own."

Shaking off his grip of her hands, Ginny cupped his face.

"I don't need to have kids."

"Gin-"

"I'd like to, one day, with you, have children. But I don't need that. And any child would be lucky to have you as a father, to grow up to be like you. You're loyal and brave and smart and you _love_. You love so freely and so much that I don't know how any child of yours would turn out any differently."

His eyes searched her face as if he thought she was lying. Ginny knew he could read her though, knew that he was sure she wasn't lying. They had known each other since they were teenagers, had been through a war and had survived the Veil together. Sirius knew Ginny better than she knew herself. And she knew him better than anyone else.

"Okay?" she whispered.

Sirius nodded slowly. Using her hands, she pulled his face close to hers and kissed him.


	2. The Library

-*.*.*-

Title: Secrets

Summary: "Even if this had all turned out differently… I think I still would have found you and fallen in love with you." Drabbles for the Look After You universe. Sirius/Ginny

Disclaimer: I only own the plot.

Author's Note: This follow the **Complex Touch **and **Look After You** universe. I've decided to share some drabbles on random moments in their lives before, during or after those two stories. Enjoy all the nonsense!

-*.*.*-

She was trying to ignore him. Really, she was. But she was failing. Sirius sat a table nearby, his voice ringing in her ears despite the fact that he was whispering. Ginny sighed through her nose, concentrating on the book in front of her. It didn't matter that he was so close to her, pretending she didn't exist, talking to two Ravenclaw girls as if she wasn't there. It was a stupid little game they played- and they played it all the time.

Dancing around any true emotions, snogging in hidden closets, pretending it was all fine in the daylight. And it was all fine. Really.

Either way Halloween had just passed and with that so had her freedom. Quidditch practice was becoming almost too much along with the excessive amount of homework she had been assigned. She barely saw anyone, even Amelia, Dorcas and Marlene who slept in the same room as her. She should be concentrating on her homework, not Sirius Black. Homework was more important.

Clearing her throat, Ginny focused on the book in front of her.

She immediately noticed when Sirius stopped speaking. Ginny looked up without wanting to, her eyes going to the table he had been sitting at. The girls were still there, doing homework and laughing quietly together. Where was he?

"Looking for someone?"

Ginny jumped, cursing herself for having been caught looking as she whipped her head around. Sirius stood there, a cocky smile playing across his lips, his arms folded across his chest.

"I was just happy the noise had gone down," she responded, an eyebrow lifting as Sirius took the seat across from her without permission.

But when did he ever ask permission to do anything?

"We are in a library, after all," Ginny finished, waving a hand as if to show off the shelves of books around them.

Sirius shook his head in amusement.

"Tell me you miss me."

A smile came to her lips at his words but she kept her head down, having already begun to pretend to read the book in front of her again.

"I wouldn't want to lie to you, Sirius," she told him.

His trademark laughter followed her words, loud enough that the girls at the table near them looked up. Ginny bit her lip to keep from laughing with him.

"We haven't had time alone in ages," he complained.

"And what would we do if we did?"

Ginny spoke the words slowly, deliberately raising an eyebrow when she finished. Sirius' eyes, gray and stormy, darkened.

"Whatever you'd like, love," Sirius muttered back.

He reached across the table then, taking a hold of her wrist with his hand. Ginny stilled, her face flushing, as his thumb pressed down on the pulse below the soft skin of her wrist. Then he released her wrist so his long fingers could dance over her hand, light as a butterfly.

"Sirius-" her voice sounded husky to her own ears.

Sirius sat back, his eyebrows perked.

"But you're busy, I see," he cut in, motioning towards the homework in front of her. "Just let me know whenever you're free, I suppose. Maybe we can schedule a little get together?"

He stood up, brushing his hands down the front of his shirt as if to get rid of wrinkles. Ginny watched, half dazed, as he offered her a sharp smile before turning and leaving. On his way out he waved to the Ravenclaw girls at the table.

She hated this game they played.


End file.
